Monthly Archives: June 2006

Living Life

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Winter of the Dance (A short film that celebrates life and living) is one that is very close to my heart. I stumbled upon it this morning and this video reminds me that deep in my heart while I grow older, I do not want to forget how it is like to be a child in the snow, or to simply ~enjoy.life.~. I have seen many morph and change in the working world. Here, a bunch of grown-ups (2 guys) dance publicly for a period of several months in Canada by a street corner. Just For Fun. While they recognise that this is not something grownups often do, the question falls to WHO sets the limitations and rules in which we must all live by?

Nature vs Nurture. Watch and tell me your opinion.
(Do give it some time to load. There is this really dark grey text that will say LOADING on the screen. You should see the front title of the clip once it has finished ripping off current.tv.) Be patient (:

“i want to be the old man not necessarily with wealth, but with kindness integrity and stories. what i hope to create with my life is stories that i can tell when im older.”

paper in my mailbox

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OMG. My final papers are finally appearing in my mailbox.

I have never thought of myself as any smarter or more brilliant being a postgraduate student and doing masters was just, well, pursuing my passion/love. I shrug it off and because I make the same mistakes, sometimes worse ones than you do, being an inch away to have a MA beside my BA does not make me great. It is if nothing less, merely a title, and my parents have had a great way of showing how normal it was to work+study at the same time by not paying attention to any work that I do (iknow they still love me) and grunting when I try to show them my short stories. “It’s always the same what,” mom would say. I don’t even know if i’m going to show them my results anyway because there might not even be a reaction (that’s how they brought me up to be the good girl that I am). Still, do rejoice with me because I told S I want 15minutes to be proud of myself.

I have NEVER EVER in my life gotten a highdistinction for creative writing. Anyone who does creativewriting in uni can testify to that, that it’s difficult because it is subjective. Today, along with a ceremony invitation to graduate in melbourne/penang/hongkong (why would i even go to penang or hongkong for?!) I received a HD for my fiction writing piece. I didn’t think I would be that happy except for the fact that I was sitting down for abit and and realising that while i have no job and am career-less, I have been doing something with my life. It is the accumulation of experiences that count. The journey, like I like to say, is all that matters and not the endpoint in which one has to reach and attain before you can pat yourself on the back and say you have ‘arrived’ or ‘made it’. Singapore has a way with people with regards to all the Cs (i hate that)…the need for all the material goods and a stable, secure career. i like living my life one day at a time.

So while I may not have a fulltime job at the moment
I have a HD for my fiction piece.

yay yay yay yay!!!!

Simple Pleasures

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P’Bern says that Sister (of the orphanage) is not well. How long ago was I in chiangrai and in the hospitality of the thais who would speak to me in sign language and force me to learn their language? Have I, in the relentless flow of modernity, forgotten who I am? I remember the sun beating on their feet, calloused and hard.

Ruth reminds me always to look at five simple.pleasures life brings everyday. I know I have – in the midst of crazytimes- so much. As I lose, I gain. This is my rubberband champion. He is an expert in commanding the bands to go the direction he wills. I don’t remember much of the game but I know that when his yellow rubber band won, he broke into a wide grin and nothing else mattered.

so (: my rubberband winnings for today (and it’s only 12:09pm):

1. Di starts practicum
2. Mom looks happy today and wants us to go Msia with her over the weekend.
3. Spending the whole morning alone (much needed)
4. Coming closer to completion, perfection, glorification one day at a time
5. Knowing, for the first time, I need not be anybody else – but myself.

My Molehill

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I have been chastised and broken down to the point of quiet humility and silent desperation which I have folded in neatly, as if to keep as a reminder of the pain I have caused and the scars that stay.

A broken spirit and a contrite heart
you will not despise

Undeserving. Needing to learn and (re)learn all about grace and how it is sufficient for me and discover the mercies that are new everymorning. I mourn. I lose a life (I say this figuratively), my group of support, a ‘family’ that I cannot return to because I have sinned and am ashamed and am undeserving of anything they can ever offer to me.

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain
I’m making them yours

Bring me to a hiding place where I can cry and not pretend that everything is alright. I lay my all – down – at your feet, allowing it to be trampled, squished, stomped upon. I drag my heart on the asphalt floor, and ask you to renew a right spirit within me. And yet, as I am tormented deep into the sleepless nights, I know that I am not giving credit to the work of the cross and the blood that has ALREADY FORGIVEN. Again, I say, what’s the meaning of grace. It is the hardest, most difficult concept to comprehend because it is so easily received. I want more of you.

Do I dare claim the promises and believe in blessings that come with knowing Him?

Teach me not to be afraid and be free to fly, for You, a thousand times over.