It is 21:09 and I’m biting my lips with my eyes staring at the comp and wondering what I can do to make classes better tomorrow. I hear the experienced ones look at me with big-eyes and I am reminded to be indifferent because it would drive me insane. Just Quit, many say. They do this not because they feel I cannot-do-it, but because they are tried and tested, weathered people who know that THREE NORMALTECHNICAL classes are insane, inhuman, and those who have not gone into it better not patronise because it. is. crazy. And so, I am trying. But I am tired. Wanting to not give up on them makes this worse. Today I’m in my pyjamas with messy hair and floppy glasses, wondering if I should take another shower or give up completely and firefight tomorrow.