she breathes the air and flies away
she thanks Jesus for the daisies and the roses
in no simple language, someday she’ll understand.

Part of me today is tofulike-wobbly, not a very pretty imagery I know. But somehow, that comes to mind today. confused, uncertain. BUT. And a big BUT here: I know that despite all that has happened, God and the HolySpirit (threeofthem are one so it should be singular right?) has been ever present in my life. One month into GhettoSchool and today marks the first day of no discouragements. Clapclap! Less of Me. More of Him. I realise how easy I take my eyes off Him…(be more of DamienRice.)

Good days are dangerous because sometimes you forget, and so you tend to drift off a little bit. I’m trying not to fall in the pits of narcissism and was reminded to acknowledge acknowledge acknolwedge. Sometimes I think that it is due to my creativity, my patience and my love that have turned things around. LEST I FORGET, it is HIM really, because the kids are still the same. They do the same thing, but I react differently to it now (less easily discouraged, working better in chaos) and I like to think that it’s because the HolySpirit visits the place. There WILL be worse days to come, but for now, the less I feel I need order, the more I find I can love them better. I have the messiest table in the staffroom and my classes are the nosiest (but who cares?!) - working against the system – as always.

I’ve also been thinking too much…And I feel repressed and I miss my struggling artistlife. I think I’m just frustrated because I’m not inspired. I always had sockless-shoes and a missing scarf and not enough winterjackets to wear. And in the biting cold, I’d writeandwriteandwrite. Just because. I’m not sure why but the discomfort of the present(ness) always brought about a torrent of inspiredthings. Lastminute theatre moments and running all the way (gloves hangingout, fingersbiting) to artscentre and dodgyartplaces just to catch a free play. How do I incoporate passion and compassion into dailylife? IM-ing new friends from church and meeting new people have been refreshingly invigorating who all have the same goal to make an impact (?) in the singaporeartscene/ popular culture. I am going to be GODINSPIRED.

By the way, I have had friends trying to pick up girls who are single, married, going to sportclasses, have rings on their fourth finger and whatnots. Mymy, putting a new term to diversifying and calculating risks. Commerce really teach you wrong things hor?