Daily Archives: August 18, 2006

i forgot!

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Dear God,

i’m sorry i forgot to pray. remember i asked you to give me what i needed, not what i wanted? Yeah, it came too soon. Funny thing, prayers are. (: all the wrestling, cajoling, pleading, blackmailing…saying i want what you want for me, and then realising what you want for me eventually might not be what i wanted.

but it’s okay God, because i know that you are in control. i am learning to receive absolute blind childlike faith because i wouldn’t have made it this far without you anyway. Give me more faith. you see, i am so lousy at this because i am a coward sometimes. i am afraid of failing, of falling, and of committing a thousand and one mistakes in the future. but i know what i want now, and it’s to learn to love you more. and if that’s all i want, i do believe that everything else will fall into place.

and so in the midst of the unforseen, i thank you for what you have done in my life. i am grateful, and blessed, and thankful that you are For me, never against me.

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On a hot summer day, she says, we’ll stroll through twisting trees and feel the dead leaves crackle under our feet. Like apple crisps, some golden, some dark brown. Sometimes they go all deep black and tanned, like chips crinkled in the sun.  There’d be ice cream, and we’d get one- but it won’t be those you find on a short wooden stick. It’d be creamy ice cream with specks of green tea.

She tastes the flecks of green powder, cold, sticky, inside her cheeks as they trundle down the narrow, rocky trails. They’d pass forests and beaches, and the sand will stick to the toes and the underside of their feet because it is a sloshy sand that has turned muddy from the rain.