dear m,

it occurred to me last night that you were gone (for good). you see, i’ve been pushing this sudden(ness) out of the back of my mind and into my pocket because i cld not believe that i won’t be able to see you again.

it’s going to be surreal (today especially) because we were supposed to meet. with that, i will think of you every tuesdays and thursdays. i won’t be able to see you off at the wake cos’ iamnotsupposedtoknow. but all i want to do was to say goodbye (to you). so i will do so here – in this (pseudo)private space.

i worry for the kids, wonder how they are and how they will cope because they still talk to me like you are around. once, you told me to ‘take care of your babies and please love them’ because you had to go off to korea for a week and was worried to leave them. i did. i do. and i will. [forever] which is why it makes this thing so hard.

please take care of yourself. i don’t know how they’re doing and i’m not sure why the whole situation is so weird + such. but they are tough kids and i’ve never seen them cry. once.

i wish i could send you off,

d