for some reason, i like turbulence when i’m flying. assuming it’s all safe and we’re simply flying through a thunderstorm or lightning, there’s something oddly comforting about the plane bumping up and down the clouds as if they were fully blown-up balloons. Impenetrable. Plastic.
a few nights ago, Z and i were discussing about our lives over a soho dinner and why we do the things we do, why we believe in things, choose to hold faith (or lose them) in people and/or why we act or behave in a certain way and manner. do we believe in ourselves? in others? or simply in a greater hope? more importantly, when the going gets tough- would i go to the right person or fret/worry/frown?
as we spoke, it occurred to me that i had drifted along spirit-wise, somehow, somewhere – but one of deb’s entry reminded me of god’s goodness in the midst of our human fallacies. the trip has also left me undeniably more conscious and aware of my surrounding spaces and places. and of the fact that i am never alone. how does one ever fill up time (when you are alone in a strange place? and can i ever be alone-alone?).
during the past few days (weeks), I have discovered more about people and myself through the unplanned and the unexpected. I have shared tables with strangers. Exchanged stories and regaled tales to unfamiliar company whom I bump into while eating roast duck/pork. Shared beds. Dinner. Spent half of my new year’s eve on the railroad. Drank caramel coffee. Got worried. Watched the sun set. Road/Bus tripped to China.
today, i am reminded to always be in a position of constant wonder + to continue to go out and trust and believe that the god i choose to believe in is bigger than anything/everything. i am trying to figure out how not to take things for granted. I keep getting well-wishes and messages from people all over in light of turning a year older, and i am overwhelmed. Oh, in so many ways, how I wish I would/could know what to do or say in every situation.
despite the year’s moments of bittersweet and bad aftershave (don’t we all have them?), i know i have been tremendously blessed. that i may be able to make some noise about that/those who truly matter and champion to live for Him is something i hope to do better in zero-eight.
oh i am uberexcited!
